Ladies and Gentlemen, Ringers and Friends,
Righters and wrongers, each one I commend
For coming today to this long due event,
2 years held on Zoom while covid was hell-bent!
But covid is over. It's all gone away!
No war in Ukraine. Fuel now cheaper than hay!
The striking in Elloe is second to none
And I'm the best Ringing Master since Stedman was one!
Aha! My delusions, they make me feel grand!
Without them I fear I would be rather bland!
But on the business of what's going on,
Please feel free to stop me if you think I'm wrong!
~
The state of our practices, it's fair to say,
Have picked up quite well with corona at bay.
We all feared the worst when the lockdowns began,
Yet new ringing learners from nowhere have sprang!
While I love to ring Grandsire at practice, it's true,
To help learners handle is enriching too.
My praise to the learners for soldiering on.
It's tough at the start when so much can go wrong.
But persist and continue, keep trying your best
And you'll soon wonder how you did make such a mess!
Kudos to the teachers! It's awfully hard
To instruct folk to handle without mental scars!
A hand briefly caught, or much worse, YES, a neck!
Is enough to drop ropes and say "Oh, what the heck!"
Yet old Ken from my practice, now around a head smaller
Was never too keen about getting much taller!
(Just to clarify, there is no Ken, and while I may be a rookie instructor, I have overseen NO
hangings!)
As recruitment does go we could do so much worse,
So good job, let's continue to enlist and coerce!
~
Next, I observed, and will also assume
That much ringing was done by the folk in this room
For the Platinum Jubilee, a joyous affair,
Followed too shortly after by one of despair.
I solemnly tolled while the pipers did play
For the Queen's final journey on her funeral day.
But this year, a far more uplifting occasion
For which I suspect you shan't need much persuasion
To ring for the King, and the first Coronation
For 70 years we have seen as a nation!
By eye I can tell that there are not too many
Who remember that day, let alone watch on telly!
John Bennett, for one, would have rung at that time
And will no doubt regale this to those sat beside!
~
Now while ringing is glorious, I am vainglorious
And the looks on your faces say "Master, please do bore us!"
Therefore I will briefly now fill you all in
On some tower works focused on keeping bells ring (ing!)
Myself and dear Anthony, as always, have been
Crawling round Belfries to root out the sin!
At Pinchbeck, new washers, fixed shrouding and more,
At Gosberton we secured great louvre doors.
At Frampton we wired the louvres anew
(I know that's not Elloe but I thought I'd include!)
And if English Full Circle rings were not our game,
At old Gedney Dawsmere their bell rope was lame.
So with ladders aplenty we climbed up the roof,
New bell rope, some oil, then suddenly, POOF!
A bell which was silent for several years
Now tolls on a Sunday for fast asleep ears!
The jewel in the crown for this year's undertaking
Was Donington, seldom rung without persuading!
With no regular band to keep check on the bells
An attempt at a peal was made which unleashed hell.
With wobbly clappers and pulley blocks seized,
Shrouding off wheels, the peal ringers leave.
The bells now unringable, we offer our skills,
2 hard days of labour, we re-tack the wheels.
The clappers are tightened, some frame bolts replaced,
The pulley blocks freed so the ropes move with grace.
We're happy to do this (it wasn't for free),
The extent of the works though, unnecessary.
If the bells were first checked before ringing commenced
Then the works carried out wouldn't be so immense.
Bellringing for some is a stint in a tower,
While this one last minutes, it can be for hours.
For others, however, it's an occasional change.
To visit new towers makes ringing so great!
If responsibly organised these towers can thrive.
While others are happy to ring, then let die!
~
Which brings us on forward, I widely encourage
Our new ringing learners to pluck up the courage
To visit new towers, whether near or quite far
And discover more bells, old, new and bizarre!
But the beauty of ringing lies also in people.
The weird and the wonderful, hid in their steeple!
You can never quite know what a practice might bring
(Unless I am there, in which case it's sin!)
~
A quick word on striking, I know it's a trope
But there's nout more rewarding when you're on a rope
And the striking is CLEAR! Not perfect, oh no!
Fear not, I do not possess a metronome!
But focus on listening, and if the problem's not ears,
Then alter your handling until it rings clear!
With Elloe improving, it's a matter of time
Before striking is well metered like this long rhyme!
~
Talking of Elloe, there's merchandise now!
Brian sells caps, and pin badges! Wow!
That's not strictly true, so do not form a queue.
I admire his pride, and I share it too!
~
Right, we're quarter way through, and it doesn't improve.
You'll soon find the rhyming is false and...not exact!
~
I express my regret, as the Master last year
We've not had many functions, well, one, to be clear.
But this year is different, this year will be great!
We'll maybe have 2, or 3! Just you wait!
Once dates are arranged you all will be told.
Attendance is compulsory, you've all been enrolled!
~
To towers in Elloe I've not been to this year,
Please tell me your practice dates, you see, I fear,
Like Gedney Hill, a practice which no longer runs
I don't wish to turn up and find that you are done!
~
I come to the end of this year's long report
And I could have said more but I don't wish to bore!
My thanks go to Maxine for all of her aid!
She's a valuable asset who should be well paid!
My thanks to the ladies who made today's tea.
Ringers get angry without a good feed!
My thanks for the service, it wasn't too bad
But as a ringer who runs, when it's over, I'm glad!
My thanks to the organist, for a service without song
Would be lacking in spirit and therefore so wrong!
One last little mention, for Doug, our dear friend.
A Sutton St James ringer, who currently spends
Too much of his time on hospital bed sheets
When he should be on treble for Tuesdays at Gedney!
We all wish you well, Doug, and hope it's not long
Before you rejoin us in making bell song!
Well, that's my bit, I'm finally done
The rest of the day will now be much less fun.
Ringing is joyful, and joyful means happy
As long as the striking is good, and not crappy.
Luke Tobin