Sitemap info

Address given by Janet Bull of Radcliff-on-Trent Nottingham, at the Service of Thanksgiving for the Life of Mary Underwood held at the Church of St Mary, Stow on 12th February 2007.

I have known Mary all my life and have been involved with almost every facet of hers, therefore it is a great privilege to be asked to give this tribute. Therefore I hope that I will do it justice and I pray that all my words and all our thoughts are worthy of Mary and acceptable to our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen

On Sunday afternoon, shortly after Mary died in fact, John asked me to look in her bedside drawer and take out her Bible - the one she had been given at Sunday School. It was, NO it is a well-thumbed Bible obviously well read over the years, with little bits of paper tucked in as bookmarks,

The reading you have heard from St John's Gospel, (Chapter 14 V 1-16) was, not only one of those passages, but one which Mary tried, very recently to write out, She wanted it to be read out at her Funeral - it was so special to her. Brian read it from that same Bible, and I will come back to that later.

The Reynard Hospital at Willingham was where Kathleen Mary Lilley was born on December 8th 1932, to Gladys and Wilf. Their home was the Plough Inn Public House in Sturton, where Wilf was the Publican and also a deliveryman for Lucas' the village shop.

Mary attended Sturton School from the age of 5 to 14, where she loved singing and reading poetry, much of which she could still recite from memory. She also perfected beautiful clear handwriting. Singing was a feature of family life, as both her parents had beautiful voices, and other members of the family played instruments and also sang, so when she attended Sunday School and Church both at Sturton and Stow it was not long before she was singing in the Choir.

Church events were her social life too and some old photographs (which you may see at the Cross Keys) serve to remind us of large Garden parties held at the Old Rectory which is now a housing estate.

When Mary was 13 - I was born (cousin Jan) our mothers Gladys and Mim being sisters. Mary featured in my life from that day. She frequently played with me, helped look after me, shared my love of our black spaniel 'Bunty' and occasionally took us for walks. Both of us being only children she was like a big sister to me.

At the age of 14 Mary left School and worked at home and in the pub. She is recorded in the old Plough inventory as being the 'receptionist'. While Mary was still quite a youngster, a young man called Joe Butler came to lodge at the Plough. He helped around the pub with various jobs and was apprenticed to A B Spurr's, the local agricultural engineers.

He became an indispensable member of the Plough workforce and eventually romance blossomed between him and Mary, and a high point of their relationship was when Mary's father Wilf set them up in the 'Chip Shop' in the Plough Yard, when Mary was about 18. At this time Wilf had a little green Van, in which he went round the villages selling wet fish and cold cooked fish-which was very popular.

But, enough of fish and chips, back to romance. In 1953 Mary married Joe, the handsome agricultural engineer and blacksmith (he worked with wrought iron not horses). Their home 'Evergreen� which they renovated, was close to the Plough on Tillbridge Lane. They worked like Trojans on their beautiful house and garden and the garden had Victorian style two season bedding, all of which they grew at home from seed in the greenhouses. There was also the vegetable plot that totally supplied the kitchen. They kept chickens, and Joe reared pigs and Mary's culinary and entertaining skills were becoming legendary.

Their allegiance to Sturton Show which spanned many years won them several cups and it was not unknown for Mary to be coming to bed at 4 am after baking her show exhibits, to meet Joe on the stairs just getting up (about 4 am remember) to prepare his vegetables and flowers for the Show, and that's not to mention the cut flowers for the arrangements for showing, and the baking for tea. An 'unusual gastronomic' family party on show days. It makes me feel tired to remember it all, but they were very happy days,

Into this happy family in 1958, Helen was born and she soon grew to love playing with the soil in the greenhouses and feeding the hens. Eighteen months later Jane was born and as a mother Mary was a natural.

However this idyllic life was not to last, and when Jane was only six months old, Joe died. Mary, with help from family and friends had nursed him at home until the end. Shortly afterwards, Gladys and Wilf retired from the Plough to a nearby cottage and helped Mary with the garden and livestock, and the girls. They and loyal friends supported Mary, Helen and Jane through the difficult years ahead. Particularly helpful at this time was Elsie Marshall--who became like another member of the family.

During all of this time Mary seldom missed attending Church and singing in the choir. One day some years later, a very strange thing happened. Stow Church was short of Bell Ringers, and the Rector Canon Parker, wrote to people once connected with Bellringing at Stow or anyone who he thought might be interested. Most uncharacteristically one letter was wrongly addressed and was given to Mary--so, being invited to a meeting she dutifully went. Thus Mary learnt to ring, taught by Archie Denton.

For several years Mary was a regular faithful member of the Stow Band, but was always a nervous ringer and never achieved the competence she had in singing, cooking and gardening. However it was the social side of ringing that became a joy to Mary--especially teas at ringing meetings, and catering for them, and there another side of Mary came to the fore--chatting and listening. She made lots of friends and many benefited from her listening ear and down to earth commonsense advice.

There was one particular ringing meeting at Epworth, where she caught the attention of a young ringer called John Underwood. The following week he offered her a lift on her first ringing outing, and soon they became firm friends. The rest is history and a bellringing romance ensued. Mary and John were married here at St Mary's in October 1966, and John joined Mary, Helen and Jane to live at 'Evergreen' in Sturton.

This family was soon enlarged, as David came into the world, and the children adored scampering around this green oasis, often with visiting friends and family from further afield. About this time (1970) a group of friends started going on ringing holidays � a practice which continues to this day.

Early holidays in Devon were a novelty to Mary who had never been on holiday before, and she joined in with enthusiasm. The car was packed full with clothes, buckets and spades, the rear window shelf of the car was full of home made fruit pies etc, and every one had cake tins stacked between their knees!! Food and belongings spilled from every glove compartment. Poor John hardly had room to drive! !

Despite being thoroughly bored with the ringing, Helen, Jane and David much enjoyed the company of the other children, of beach cricket matches, playing in the sea, and picking blackberries along the Devon hedgerows, while Mary enjoyed preparing the picnics, and giving cooking tips. One notable occasion was on how to prepare and cook a rabbit, which like Peter Rabbits father had met with a nasty accident.

Those days seem a long time ago but friends from around the country were added to John and Mary's friends and they have since remained very close. During this sad time we must not forget Mary's sense of humour and fun. While the enthusiasts rang Mary would be off round the shops - especially the card shops, where she found appropriate cards for people, always funny, and often a bit naughty!! Any gathering with Mary present was entertained by her bottomless store of jokes.

Sometimes we laughed until our sides ached, we will miss her humour but we will never forget it.

Now Mary always had a wish to live where she could see Stow Church, and when in 1979 Post House became Vacant and Evergreen was getting too much to upkeep, they moved to Stow. Here they tended their very small garden, John cut and still cuts the adjoining Church grass and until a few years ago Mary maintained the garden alongside the Church wall.

As a new chapter in their life evolved in Stow another joy began, that of being Grandparents. Jane and Steve have Samantha (Sam) and Edward (Edd) to whom Mary was their Big Gran and Helen and Dave have Dan, who may remember when he was about 5 years old playing football with Big Gran and Great Uncle Reg. Fourteen months ago it was Mary and John's delight to welcome baby Thomas on Christmas Eve to David and Fiona and he was the apple of her eye, as Mary attracted children like a magnet.

Sadly Thomas will not remember her very well, but Sam, Edd and Dan, will always have a special place in their hearts for Big Gran, as illustrated in the poem you will hear later. Helen and Jane, John and David have many memories too, too many to mention here, but we trust that the sad memories of recent days will soon be replaced by happier ones which they will share together. We each have our own memories spanning many years, but paramount was her smile and welcome even when she was ill.

That was first with a near fatal heart attack 9 years ago. She made a miraculous recovery and enjoyed 5 wonderful years before having another attack and again she fought back. About a year ago her energy level dropped and her drive to do things waned, but she never failed to smile, and family and friends were always made welcome. An example of this welcoming smile was at the monthly Tuesday afternoon ringing practices at Stow, where She and John and helpers provided a mouth-watering tea for all who came--even at the practice last month.

Now let us return to Mary's chosen reading from St John's Gospel. Here Jesus talks about 'His Father's House', which is an explanation of where Heaven and Earth meet. Jesus makes a promise; "I will go and prepare a place for you". We can't see the way, but we need to know, not only that there is a way, but also that we will be able to find it. The very human and argumentative disciples are understandably sceptical and Jesus allays their fears. Jesus tells them, He is the way, the only way, not in an arrogant or distant manner as other faiths demand, but simply, by loving and serving others. That is what Mary heard and did; she loved and helped other people.

We too can only know God through Jesus, the human Jesus, who wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus, and who washed his followers feet--the job of a servant. This passage is often used at funerals, not only because we are assured of a place in Heaven if we follow Jesus, but also because we are assured of a comforter. Jesus said "I will pray to the Father and he will give you another comforter". When our spirits are broken, the extra strength to meet our special need is found in God's comforter- The Holy Spirit.

As our love and sympathy goes out to John and all the family, we should pray for the comforter to be with them today and in the days ahead.

THANK YOU MARY, for being such a Christian example to us all, and for being such a special part of each of our lives.